27 September 2007

No Mandela’s in Iraq, no gays in Iran, what’s a world leader to do?

"I heard somebody say, Where's Mandela? Well, Mandela's dead because Saddam Hussein killed all the Mandelas." -- George W. Bush, September 19, 2007

"In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country." -- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, September 25, 2007

Listening to these lines from two religious leaders, Ahmedinijad democratically elected, Bush imposed by judiciary fiat, one must come to the conclusion that nuclear weapons were on the mind of both as they said it. No gays in Iran? Not possible! No Mandelas in Iraq? How can that be after all the promises from Donald Rumsfeld that they were North, South, East and West of Baghdad. Where did Saddam hide all those Mandelas? Is Ahmedinijad hiding all those gays in subterranean nuclear weapons factories? Are we to believe that no gays exist in Iran? Show me the evidence! Or is the lack of evidence, evidence that Iran is in fact the Islamic world's answer to Provincetown?

Maybe I have it backwards. George Bush is really gay. That's why James Guckert, aka Jeff Gannon, the Republican Christian Homosexual Military Prostitute and White House Press Reporter had numerous "sleepovers" at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue according to Secret Service logs. It's not about nuclear weapons. George Bush really wants to invade Iran to liberate the homosexual community with the added benefit of opening up Iran to gay conservatives. You see, all those Republicans and their supporters soliciting sex in Men's rooms and from Congressional pages really need a place to go where they aren't so oppressed by the laws they helped to write and to get free sex change operations if they want to because the health care in the US really sucks.

Wait. Don’t bother. I have a solution. Lock Bush in the same room as Ahmedinijad and let them either discover that one needs a sex change or the other is Mandela. No. That wouldn't be right. After all, Bush doesn't look good in drag.

I have the answer. Invite George Bush and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to a forum to discuss petty tyrants. Columbia University president Lee Bollinger could host it. Among the questions he could ask Bush is if Mahmoud is trying to kill his daddy like Saddam had, and he could ask Ahmadinejad if he denies the native American holocaust, too. Of course Ahmadinejad doesn't stand a chance against Bush, who should know, since his grand daddy was such a huge supporter of Nazi Germany, that is when he wasn't trying to overthrow the US government.

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